• Lou

SOS!! I said, SOS!!!

I'm so hungry, even a ribbon looks tasty...

Dear Humans,


SOS!! I said, SOS!!!

Look, my servants – uh, the staff here - are trying to starve me to death, and I need reinforcements. You won’t believe this, but they said my sleek, gorgeous, self is --- fat! One actually called me porky and made pig noises at me.

“You need to go on a diet, Lou,” Madame Know-It-All intoned. “You’re not going to be able to get through your lanai door if this continues. Smaller food portions, and – no treats!”

I couldn’t believe my handsome ears. No treats? No treats?? Are they trying to kill me? Treats are – they’re – well, treats. Imagine if someone took away your summer ice cream cones, or your cookies, or your sodas – right, it would be horrible, wouldn’t it? I look forward to my treats. Greenies, oh Greenies, light of my life, happiness in a little green fish!

Besides, they’re good for my teeth. It says so, right there on the bag. Do these people want my teeth to fall out? Then I’d surely waste away to nothing!

Liz wouldn’t have let this happen. Liz was my true friend. Liz gave me treats! I miss Liz….

So look – just smuggle a few goodies in for me whenever you come to this prison. They haven’t started doing searches at the door yet, so if you just sidle up to my basket and plop a few goodies into it when the ladies aren’t looking…I’ll find them. I’ll do my best to supplement my reduced rations with mousies, if I can catch one, but there are no Greenies-flavored mousies, alas.

…though a mousie-flavored Greenie is a good idea! I wonder, if I write to the Greenies company with this great idea, would they send me a case of Greenies as a thank you? I’ll have to consider that.

In the meantime – they haven’t forbidden catnip. “Catnip isn’t fattening, Lou,” they said. “Sometimes it inspires you to exercise more. You can have catnip.”

Catnip is nice, but it isn’t nutritious. Greenies are!

So here’s the plan: you sneak the Greenies in, hidden in some catnip. They won’t notice. And if they do, I can at least drown my sorrows in a catnip high.


I’m counting on you,



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