My new toy
Updated: Dec 28, 2018
Dear Humans, Got myself a tool, I do, and it’s a good’un. Better than the things the gearheads who work in my clinic (and sometimes remember to feed me) have, I’ll tell ya. My tool is technologically advanced. My tool is wicked slick. My tool is exciting. My tool is cutting edge. My tool’s a laser!
Problem is, I can’t use my tool by myself. I require the attention and services of my servants – uh, that is, the highly-trained veterinary specialists who work here. And getting their attention for a long enough period of time is sometimes tricky. “I’m busy, Lou,” Ms. Bossy says. “Come back later.” The new guy is just as bad, but, being a guy, at least he gets why having a tool is so important. All guys love tools. Most guys have tools. Not as good as my tool – my tool is super cool!
I swish up to the ladies at the desk and flick my tail enticingly. I purr. I rub my face. I sit on their paperwork. I try to knock the phone out of their hands. Come on, guys, it’s time for a break! I’m trying to help you stay calm and unstressed, here. Just push the button on the tool and aim it over there; maybe wiggle it a little. I’ll do the rest, trust me. I will GET THAT MOVING THING!
I will GET that – wait, where did it go? Quick, quick, put the tool back on! There it is, there it is, here I come! ...Okay, so I kinda smashed into the wall and the thing got away. But I’ll get it next time. I am fast and I am furrocious, and with the help of the tool I will catch it soon. And when I do, boy oh boy, I’m gonna kill it, believe me.
I’ve tried to turn the tool on at night when my servants have gone home, but I just can’t manage the button. My paws are too big, and my teeth are too sharp, and I can’t wiggle the tool to let the THING out and chase it at the same time. I’m pretty sure if I could use the tool at night, when there are fewer humans around, I could really conquer it. If any of you want to come by and operate the tool for me at night, let me know – I’ll leave the back door unlocked. Just don’t tell Ms. Bossypants.
Oh, and bring catnip. I get very excited when I’m using the tool, and catnip helps me mellow down again. Gotta sleep sometime! Love, Lou