Mouse! I said, MOUSE!
Mouse! I said, MOUSE! Right there, right there, right there!! See? See? See??!!
You must all be blind. I drop a perfectly live, perfectly enticing mouse in front of you and what do you do? Shout, for crying out loud! “Lou! Lou, Lou, get that thing out of here!”
Really. I mean, really, guys. You’re supposed to play with it, then dispatch it with extreme prejudice, and then maybe make a snack out of it. Too bad they don’t come in Greenies flavor. The tails, by the way, are nasty; don’t ever eat the tails. Anyway, all that shouting put me off my game and kind of ruined my appetite – briefly – and the silly thing skittered away.
Don’t worry, I’ll get back to it again. I just need to soothe down the fluff you put me in when you didn’t join me to play with the mouse, first. And shouted! At me!
Humans. I’ll never really understand you. First you put me on a diet – take away my Greenies, lovely Greenies, tasty Greenies – and then you get all shouty and strange when I bring you a mouse. Jeez.
And I’ve lost weight. Don’t you think you should up the Greenies allowance, now? Probably all those uneaten Greenies are attracting mice. I could take care of that, really, I could. It would be no problem at all. And I’d have so much more energy to hunt mice if I wasn’t starving to death on this reduced-Greenies diet. It makes me weak, really it does. Look for yourself. If you scritch under my chin, and rub my belly – careful, now, not too much belly rub unless you want me to redecorate your hand – you’ll see I’m nothing but bones and gristle under my manly, sleek fur coat. Wasting away, I am. Sigh.
I read on Purrbook that the Pretender actually carried a dead mouse still attached to a trap home to his people the other day. He’s such a joke! Great dangerous hunter, indeed! His people got all wound up and took the carcass away from him and took the trap back to their neighbors. Serves him right.
Oh, now I’m all ahiss again just thinking about it. I need to go put myself in Catnip Haven for awhile and mellow out. Which reminds me – why haven’t I had any catnip lately? Are you guys holding out on me? Winter’s coming – time to get a supply in here, pronto!
Oh wait – mouse!! Mouse!! Gotta go ---