Updated: Dec 17, 2018
Lou here. Just back from my latest photo shoot – oh, thank you, thank you, but no, no autographs today, please, contact my publisher, dahlings, they take care of all that kind of – tedious – chore. I’m a star, you know, dahlings, I have important things to do and think about. It was a wonderful experience, dahlings, and they were sooo appreciative of my class, my style, my presence in front of the camera. I’m a natural, and it’s not often they get to work with a STAR, you know; at least, not one of my caliber. Of course, I’ve done some modeling before, and I have to tell you, dahlings, the wait – oh, the waiting about while the photographer sets up the scenery – well, it’s just sooo boring! And some of the costumes they wanted me to wear – only in Nerdsville, dahlings, would these things be considered chic, believe me!
But I’m a professional, and I take it in stride and don’t get at all fluffed and hissy about it. Especially when they thoughtfully provide a lunch table so I can have just a teeny, tiny little snack between shots, you know, to pique my interest but not damage my incredibly sleek, handsome physique. And I always take a bath before donning the next costume and sliding in front of the camera. You never know, after all, whether a foot pad or tail tip is going to be an important part of the end photo. They try to groom me, but dahlings, honestly: what humans don’t understand about whiskers and fur – well, I could tell you stories. But it’s all right. It’s in my contract that I have the last say about the arrangement of my whiskers and tail. You don’t want to mess about with perfection. And you must admit – everyone does – that I am purrrfect. Oh thank you, no need to applaud. You embarrass me. My devoted fans are just sooo precious to me, you know. Even my servants here – uh, that is, the highly-trained veterinary specialists – at my clinic have been just drooling over my latest oeuvre. And rightly so; I understand I’ve been nominated for a Puss Award for best and handsomest Furry, in all categories. And I’ve had calls – calls and calls, dahlings, I tell you they just keep coming – from several important movie directors who want me to star in their latest flicks. Who? Oh, I can’t tell you, dahlings, it’s all very hush-hush, you know, until the announcements are made. What’s that, you say? How can you view my most recent spectacular? You can contact my servants, dahlings, they handle that for me. You can get a copy of A Year of Lou, 2019, to grace your otherwise boring walls, and add class and gorgeousness to your monthly planning, for $12, and a catnip mouse. Oh, all right – Ms. Bossy says the catnip mouse isn’t part of the calendar’s price. (Shh - bring me a real mouse, instead.)
But, dahlings, what price fame? I mean, really, who wouldn’t want to throw their catnip mousies at a true star like the Wonderful Mr. Handsome – that is, me? That’s what I thought, dahlings; just pile them up over there in my basket, please.
Love to all my fans,
PS. One of you – you know who you are – let that --- Pretender!!! --- get into my basket the other day when I was otherwise occupied. You may think I didn’t notice, but I did – I can smell commoner a mile away. Ugh. Maine Coon Cat, indeed. One of you – again, you know who you are – owes me a big bribe to forgive you. Grrr. Hiss. Spit.